Violations...

This is a very personal post, lots of mine are, however this one moreso. Soon, mon amour will be coming! The end of this month is approaching quickly. He has been tested for STD's recently, and kind of wanted me to do the same. It was something I felt I should do as well. I know my husband cheated on me. I am not sure how much or with how many. I know I have risks. I have not had an exam since my son was born. I forgot how scary they are. I fought the tears as it was being done. Then something even scarier, after being examined my doctor looked at me and said that she was testing me for cervical cancer. She looked worried. She told me not to be scared, yeah right. I'll keep that in mind. I'm not sure if it was something during the exam that worried her or if it is standard. I just know she said that it was something to be aware of with my situation being as it was. I came home and cried. Only three people know about this at this point. Mon amour, and two of my closest friends that I talk to everyday. I can only hope that it was just routine testing and that everything is fine. I still can't stop worrying and I hope those tests come back soon. I still feel violated, you try laying on a table, legs spread while two people explore your cooch and see if you don't feel awkward for a few days! Time for bed now.

Just one simple thing to say here..

You can only need someone so much, without them being there before you stop needing them anymore. Eventually you learn to turn to someone else. I will write more later but this needed to be said.

Writer's Block

Okay so lucky you, that has happened upon my blog, you get to hear me write about how I have nothing to freaking write about. I come here and have so much to say yet assign me a few straight forward topics and find me completely stumped. Yes I AM talking about school. I have been stumbling through, making passing grades. I wish I could say I was making better than passing but I cannot, it would be a lie. I did however make an A on my first writing assignment. It was very easy though. The only part of it that was assigned was that it had to be personal. The rest was easy and came pretty much from my experience you have seen outlined here. This assignment however is not so easy. This one is fairly specific and will require some observations however time is short. My doubts in myself are making things hard at the moment and also straining my relationship. I feel more and more distance and I can't really explain why. I think I'm starting to detach to be honest. Preparing for what almost seems inevitable, whether this is real or imagined I cannot say. There is so much to say, so why do I find it hard to say something when told what to talk about. I have got to work on this paper just thought I would update this a bit.