yes... it got worse.

Sorry it has taken so long to get back to this. I feel if I typed from now until tomorrow at this time I still couldn't tell it all and do it justice. So I'll do what I can. So as I was saying, that Friday he told me he was sick so he couldn't break up with her then because he just wasn't up to it. Saturday I spoke with him and he told me that was THE day. I said okay, if you need me, you can call. I truly felt he wanted to make up to his kids all of the crap he has put them through and that is something I wanted him to do more than anything. I called him a few hours later but got his voicemail. He called me telling me that he hadn't done it yet and couldn't quite yet because her friend was on their way over and didn't really say a reason. Due to my recent reasons to doubt his sincerity I told him look, if you do feel this isn't working out with her, I will be here for you but if you just want to call me up and complain about her, yet do nothing to fix it, I will not do that. I can not even fathom how he thought I wanted to hear about her shortcomings as a girlfriend. The less I heard about her period, the better. I told him don't bother calling me about it unless he had done it. Saturday we came home from vacation and at midnight he called me. I asked was he still with her and he said that he could not call me if he were. I told him he could come over and talk. When he showed up, he looked sickly to me. He told me he didn't really eat all that well with her because all she ever really wanted to eat was pizza, spaghetti and lasagna and that if he saw another pizza he thought he would throw up. I got him something to eat and sat down to talk. He started telling me how things were so bad with her anymore. I kinda stopped him and told him I needed some truths. I asked had he been doing drugs. He admitted, yes he had. He confessed that it was heroin and that yes at first he started snorting it, which is what her ex had told me. He said eventually she got him to shoot it up and that she had been doing it for 4 years. I broke down in tears. He told me that he wanted to get clean that it wasn't what he wanted in his life. He said he knew that as long as he was with her he would not stay away from it. I agreed that the only way to quit would be to stay away from anyone that he had done them with. He asked me for help. He said he needed to detox. He had done them as recently as that day. I was kinda shocked. I must admit I know very little about heroin addiction. I offered to let him stay at the house for the night. I gave him a lot of hugs that night because I must admit I am a hugging person. If I see anyone cry it makes me want to hug them. It's just my nature. I turned my face away whenever I hugged him. I did not want him getting any false impressions. The main reason for him staying was so that I could keep an eye on him. I didn't want him to have a weak moment and go back to it. He informed me about a lot of things about detoxing. I must admit this is something I never thought I would hear from him. Everytime I thought about it, it made me want to cry. He also gave me two letters that he had written to me from the beginning of September. They said how he messed everything up and wanted to make it right and he wasn't sure that he could and that things would probably get really rough and he would need a support system to get through it, that he wasn't sure that he had. I may post those here. I haven't really decided. We both fell asleep that night on my bed. We did not touch or anything. We just slept. Mostly we only fell asleep in there because I was trying to talk to him until he fell asleep, then I fell asleep first. That first night was not so bad, mainly because the withdrawals hadn't started. Sunday we got up and took the kids to breakfast. They were so excited to have him. I told them he would not be staying for good, only until he got better. I had them believe he was sick. We went to rent some movies and came back to watch them. He kept turning his phone off so that when she would try to call he wouldn't hear it ring. Finally she emailed his pager and he told her that he would get her stuff to her. She kept begging him to please get back with her. I told him the only way she would give that up is if he told her that he didn't love her and that he still loved me. He told her and then told her that he would bring her stuff that day when she asked him to. We went to his place and packed all of her stuff to take to her. There is more to write, but I must sleep now. I will try to get this caught up. Well.... not that I haven't been trying.... who knows?