Mixed emotions

Well I started school last week. I am taking French, Literature and Math. I had forgotten so much math in the past 11 years that I am having to take a prep math class. Math has never been my strong suit. I feel pretty dumb taking it though and when the problems don't make sense I often find myself in tears. I know that sounds silly, I just get really frustrated with myself and why I don't get it. I'm not stupid. I even supposedly have a gifted IQ although I question that quite frequently. French is going to be tough, I am thinking I will need a tutor. There is nothing quite like walking into a class sitting down and have the teacher speak a language you only partially understand to you. Okay so maybe I should explain why I am taking French instead of Spanish. Well I have always been quite interested in France. The language, the culture, the people have always just captivated my interests. I took French in high school for this very reason. I know this will sound ridiculous but that's okay, we all sound ridiculous at some point. I have found someone that takes my breath away. He is romantic, sweet, thoughtful, sexy, gorgeous, sensitive, and FRENCH! Among the many things about him that i love is how easily he blends with my friends. They like him and he just fits right in with them. I don't feel that I am torn between them. Most of them like him as much if not more than they like me. He understands my moods, he cares about them which feels really great and he seems to feel as strongly about me as I do about him. I cannot tie logic to how I feel for him because logic does not exist where he is concerned. I only know that any day that I don't get quality time with him feels miserable and that he can take me from sad, scared or unsure to happy, loved and safe in 1 minute or less. He is coming to see me at the end of February and I absolutely cannot wait. If he can find a summer job here, he plans to spend the summer with me. The only problems we really seem to have are our own fears. Fears that we are living in a dream world that perhaps has no happy ending. I have concluded that if this is a dream, I am fine with that because I am happy, really, truly happy. I am happier than I have been since I was a teenager and found that "first" love. even if I only experience this kind of happiness for 6 months, those 6 months are worth whatever pain may come from this ending. I can't explain it. It just feels good to know that what I always wanted does exist and for now I have him. This brings me to why I am taking French. He speaks English. He speaks it better than many native English speakers I know but some of his friends/family aren't quite that well versed in it. I would like to be able to communicate with them as well. How will his family know if they like me or not if I cannot speak to them. I should get some sleep. I have French tomorrow. Perhaps I'll type my next post in French! Nah, that's a bit too ambitious but maybe a sentence or two. Anyways, goodnight.